This is not a journey across a country
This is a journey to the depths of my SOUL
To the outside world, i’m a girl- on a motorbike - crossing Pakistan. Sharing my adventure, encounters, and sharing the beautiful love of the people here. And although this is a wonderful mission of mine, this is still MY mission. But God has other plans for me. This trip has been nothing BUT easy. And I havn’t exactly shared the struggles with you. For there is a greater battle going on. I’ve been ripped bare and all my wounds have been exposed. As humans, one of the greatest challenges, is to “let go”. We hold on to every little thing that makes us “comfortable”. It may be the approval from others, ourself. Our identity, ego. It could be security, or even our own pain. Pakistan has been one big lesson for me. And everything that could of gone wrong- has. It’s challenging me beyond my own capacity, pushing beyond my limitations so that my own triggers are forced to be seen. undeniably I’m forced to witness again and again, what no longer serves me. That life has become so unbearably uncomfortable for me that I have no choice but to surrender. Because these old ways, of who I thought I was or what I needed to “be” are finally released. Because God has a bigger plan for me. And the more I hold on to these ideals of who I think I am, the longer it will take to become who I truly am. Life tests you in this way, and the things that happen “to us” are merely there to show us the areas in which we need to grow. .
Tonight was my final test. As I completed my journey across Pakistan completely solo. In a dazed and frazzled state, I did the unthinkable. I formatted my data! How this happened. I don’t know. A greater force was at task. As I broke down into inconsolable tears for hours, cursing myself, erupting in a fit of rage against myself. How could I possibly do this? I was reminded, CHOOSE LOVE. In the depths of my despair, thinking about how much I suffered and sacrificed on this trip to make this content, to just lose everything in a split second. I had to let it all go. I had to forgive myself. And know there is something far greater waiting for me on the other side.