the last forty-eight hours of my life have consisted of going to classes, finishing a lot of work/homework, a mini road trip for a friend’s show, an 8 am sound check for our choir to lead chapel, then wrapping up tonight by sitting in & taking some photos at this brilliant co-write.
that’s a full two days— full of people I love dearly, full of songs that heal my soul, full of moments I never thought I’d ever get to experience, full of getting to do things I never dared dream my reality. full of friends & music & joy...and yet, full of pain. even in the fullness of the last two days, there have been moments I had to pause & catch my breath because it hurt too much, moments I had to lay down & take a brief nap because I was in too much pain to be awake any longer, moments I asked God why He was still allowing this disease to have a place in my body, moments it just felt too difficult to keep going.
the thing that used to baffle me was how those two contrasts could exist in the same space. great joy alongside great sorrow. the presence of so much beauty beside the loss of so much hoped for. it’s the divine juxtaposition of this life, I’ve come to find out...we fight through the moments that hurt like hell so we can feel every bit of the goodness when it comes. both sides matter & both play vital roles in the story He’s writing for us.
maybe some days I get lost in the wondering why He lets me live so broken in the middle of my dreams...why I feel caught in the messy in between. but still, at the end of these days that have been painted with both light & dark colors, I know that just to be alive, figuring it out day by day & living in the mix of it all is such a gift. come smiles or tears, this is a good life we get to wake up to because it’s a life He’s tailor made for us— in all its grit & glory. 🖤