This is Me.
I might not look very pleasant to look at in this picture, but there is a reason why I am sharing it.
This morning after I finished my #unionjourney practice that I am doing for 11 days I felt sooo much Anger. The anger turned into Rage.
It wasn’t something that upset me, it was old suppressed Anger & Rage that I kept locked away for a very very long time. Because we live in a world where there is no place for anger, there is no place for rage and since I was a young kid I “learned” that it was “bad” part of me that nobody wants to see. I won’t be loved with my Anger.
First I though about “eating it away “ but because of work I have done in my project #MakingLoveToFood I didn’t want to hide it away. I really felt ready to be able to listen and hold what was bubbling inside.
So I went into my room, put hardcore music on and connected with my Anger.
What followed was a mixture of screaming into my pillow, smashing the bed with pillow, boxing the mattress, stomping my feet, shaking, dancing, rolling on the floor, CRYING.... it took forever. After I felt exhausted I took that picture.
I did it to remind myself & others of many things.
To remind myself of how much amazing fucking super hard soul stripping work I have done on myself and for myself - so I can comfortably share my vulnerability.
To remind myself & others that we might be all walking around pretending to have it all together, but we all have days when we don’t and that is completely ok.
To remind myself & others that it is ok to take time for self-care no matter how it looks. (I cancelled all my plans today so I can stay home as I felt this coming.) To remind myself & others that it is ok to feel Anger & Rage and in fact that it is more than ok. That all that makes the difference is the way we respond to it and how we express it. I didn’t judge my hurtful thoughts, I didn’t judge my expressions. I was there present with all of them, loving them unconditionally and listening to them. I took responsibility for my old Anger & Rage and I released it in safe way.
I am so proud of myself. ( more in comments )