I HAVE SOME VALUE FOR YOU IG FAM 💪🏼🍑 I’ve sat in front of this mirror A LOT over this last year. And I’ve told, sold, retold, accepted and rejected every story there is for a girl (or man, really 🤷🏻♀️) to tell herself. “You’re holding too much body fat, there, there, there, oh, and there’s cellulite there too.” “Damn girl, look at those booty gains,” “These jeans definitely fit last week, so maybe we should restrict what you’ve been intaking..” I’ve allowed myself to become victim to my own self criticism, and I’ve also been the biggest advocate for myself, in loving and accepting where I am, who I am, where I am going and who I am becoming. I’ve learned that the only times I feel “less than” are when I’m using a standard that I THINK others hold me to, and I’ve MADE UP ALL ON MY OWN, to measure a level of success that I THINK I “should” be at.
The problem isn’t the wanting to have my ideal body/performance, the problem isn’t even the accountability I hold for myself, the problem is a huge thing, yet so subtle, called PERCEPTION. It’s just a shift in the way I think that makes the difference between my “failures” and “success.” It’s taken a long time, but everyday through my recovery, through getting on my feet as a mother leaving a relationship where I wasn’t ever responsible for income, to holding down my own, I’ve started to hear a voice that I’ve been so conditioned to ignore.
As a codependent woman, and someone who’s struggled(s)🤷🏻♀️ with an eating disorder, I’ve questioned whether what I thought, was truly what was best for me. I’ve spent most my life denying my comfort to care for others. I’ve sold my truck to use the money to do missions in Thailand, I’ve practiced many common religious views to feel accepted and wanted by others, I’ve tried to live in a “stay at home mom/cookie cutter wife” to appease and care for others with the sole desire to be wanted, and seen. And when things I’d do “sacrificially” for others didn’t fulfill that desire, and when others behaviors didn’t align to the way I needed them to, so I could feel secure. I spiraled into a downfall of self loathing and victimization. (MORE IN COMMENTS)